I’m busy all week so the only time I can hang out with friends is the weekend & I’m sitting home alone bored… ugh
happy 420 ;)
Jk I don’t even smoke weed anymore, I haven’t for 3 months and I’m not trying to get back into it.
all I ask for is you to talk to me. We used to talk everyday all day long and now we don’t talk as much. I know your busy and I respect that but you were just as busy before.. Remember when we talked all day long, I saw you everynight even if it was at 1am? Do you remember all the good morning/ goodnight texts? Because I do, Now we barely talk it seems like, you only come over like once a week and when I ask you NOT to go out and come over or ask you to come over if you DONT go out you still end up going out and coming over drunk like everything fine, no it’s not.. I do like to see you sober sometimes believe it or not I don’t care if its 1 beer or your trashed you can go out after, all I ask for is a little bit of time when your out of work to spend with me before you go out because when your drunk you come over, lay down talk for like 5 minutes and pass out cold until I need to wake you up in the morning. It’s been 5 months of us, yeah we arn’t official but we both know why. Right now that just can’t happen, other people talk & my pretty much second family that you have also known forever is really over protective because they feel mine isn’t and I’m to “free” It’s BS I hate it and I no we are slowly trying to hint to them and my friend knows and pretty sure her brother does to and they don’t have a problem its all confusing. But still all the talking and fighting to get me now that you got me the effort shouldn’t stop or I’m going to leave like we talked about. I know you get frustrated when I say we need to talk and you come over and I sit there in silence and you need to fight to get the words out of me and sometimes it takes awhile but thats just how I am I know what I need to say in my mind but the words just don’t come out and you hate it but you don’t give up and you wont leave until everythings alright again because your afraid of loosing me. I want us to work out, I really do but like I said the communication needs to start between both of us. I know its slowly getting better again, but I don’t like finding out our going on vacation from other people, what if I didn’t see it on his calender and ask my friend and she told me you guys were going together? what if I never saw that? were you just planning on leaving and not telling me & ignoring me for the week/weekend because your “busy” I sure hope not…
full time job this summer :D
I got a full time job where I did an internship at last year, I loved that place soo much! It going to be tough since I’m in the 1:1 ratio room with children with severe disabilities but its so beyond worth it even if I work Monday-Friday 8-4.
<3
I can be in the worst mood all day but the second you walk in my room even if its at 2am it all changes, knowing through everything at the end on the night your right beside me cuddling with me & waking up next to you in the morning is te best feeling ever <3
It took me 5 1/2 hours to clean my house today.. I can’t wait to be out of this place, no one knows what cleaning is around here.
I’m pretty sure this cough I have had for a month now turned to bronchitis :(, I went to the doctors for it and he put me on meds but it sounded wayy different then and now it sounds like bronchitis & I know its going around my practicum site and I am prone to getting it.
I hate my practicum site. SO FUCKING MUCH! I love working with kids but its hard to become comfortable there when the teachers treat you like shit… & hafe the stuff you marked me low for on my evaluation I DO! your just to busy socializing to see -__-; and my bad you had to ask me to read to a kid that I didnt know, sorry shes not there on mondays and it was a wednesday I came to make up hours dumbasses…
march 5 2010
Today marks 2 years since you left us mom. I never imagined the day I would have too on knowing your not here but I have had to now for 2 years. Its beyond hard I miss you so much mommy! you were my hero, even though I fought with you I regret it you were the only one that understands me and now your not here. Graduating 2 high schools, and going to Augusta and getting a CTE award standing next to the governor listening to them talk about my accomplishments junior/senior year and loosing you was beyond hard, through all three I was more focused n holding back tears then what was really happening. I miss you so much I wake up everyday hoping it was just a terrible nightmare and that you will be in the other room but its not, your reallly gone. I still haven’t got used to it I don’t think I ever will, I don’t want to accept the fact that I’m not going to see you again, you were my one and only mom, my best friend, the only one who understands why i am the way i am not even dad, peter or laura do, and the one I could run to about anything. I would do anything just to be able to hug you again, or even just see you but that can’t happen. I love you so much these past 2 years have been the hardest years of my life, Not a day goes bye that I don’t think about you, I miss you so much its crazy. No matter who tries to come into my life, you will always be MY one and ONLY mommy, no one compares to you. RIP352010 <3 forever in my heart
just by you coming over lastnight made it better, I wish I had the breath to talk to you about what I wanted to but I was so sick and you know that & you passed out drunk within 10 minutes of being over -__-. Maybe soon I will get the courage to talk to you about what I need to talk to you about, I feel like we are drifting and it wasn’t until lastnight when I texted you asking if we could talk not lastnigt but soon that you responded and came over anyways, I don’t want everything to be done between us but I feel like thats whats happening & I just hope you don’t catch what I have because its painful and sucks but through me warning you 10 times you still came over…
